Love Happened

Love Happened
Love Happened

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Marriage and its Learnings

      Marriage does change so many things in a women's life….Everything fresh n new, It is like starting everything afresh from the scratch….
New environment, new people, new situation, new occasions, new ways of Living, eating habbits etc etc….

Adjustment, compromise,sacrifice are the top three things that come to my mind!!
                     Adjustments to new people, environment,circumstances.
                     Compromises in relationships, situation and thoughts.
                     Sacrificing your needs,desires and wants.

      The sweet sacrifices made, adjusting oneself to the family environment and compromising ones wishes and desires for the loved ones always tastes sweet and never as a burden!! The only thing that the newly wedded bride asks for or expects in turn is the Sweet acceptance and a little pat on the back which she treats it like an appreciation!
Is it too much to ask for????????

      The husband's house will become her home when people in that house treats her one among themselves and accept her..
I am also somones daughter, someones wife and someone's DIL, I also like other women have my own set of wises,desires and expectations in life.

      Adjustments, compromises and Sacrifises are not new to me. Like any other lady I have also been there and done it in my life and after marriage continuing to do it is not at all a big thing coz ultimately you find peace and satisfied coz you know you are with the one whom you always wanted to be with!!

      I always thought "Expressing oneself" is a default character that everyone peoccess and rarely gave a thought that it is indeed a very essential part in a person's life.May be because I come from a family where we express our thoughts, happiness and grief too.. I have defenetely come across people who have not expressed much be it gratitude or remorse.

      No matter how much I have got adjusted,sacrificed and compromised to make this my Home..there is no crumb of appreciation that comes out of my MIL or FIL. When people don’t express their feelings you really don’t know what is running in their minds, Are they happy? Sad? Do they have a problem with me? Are they unhappy with me? Are they pleased with me? Hundreds of such questions pop up in my mind and obviously more oriented towards the negative side. Ohh may be they are not happy with some or the other deed of mine… But which one? Did I commit any mistake? What is my mistake??? When I don’t have answers to this then I start feeling Sad, bad,frustated and finally give up!!

      I used to get up @ 5:30 am prepared breakfast, Pack lunch to Office & run to Office, then came back and prepared Dinner..
Prepared something special on weekends just so that they will be happy and appreciate me… I couldn’t believe how my life had changed after marriage…

      Friends used to enquire @ Offcie… Hey you have prepared this dish so well… Iam sure your In- Laws have appreciated a lot…. I used to just nod but think inside…
Appreciation??? Yeah I waited to hear just 2 words "Its Good" but never got to hear that… There are innumerable times where I have waited like a baby to be appriciated.
Shamelessly asked "How is the food today? Did u like it??? Like every cloud has a Silver lining, MIL's every compliment has a Underlined comment too..

Q- How was the curry did you like it??
Ans1- You could have added some ingredient XYZ…
Me thinking- Y dint you tell me before?
Ans2- Curry is good but the roti was little thick/rough/oily etc..….
Never a plain and simple "Yes is was Good"

         I have started to realise that some people are different and have accepted, but then why taunt when not needed…. Unecessary taunitng,commenting being sarcastic… Is it needed? Wont it hurt? And Why ALWAYS have BENCHMARK???? My daughter is like that, my daughter is like this….. OK well taken but why compare???? Any given situation if I mention- I will prepare this or I will do this… My daughter used to do this, My daughter does this….. God give me a Break!!!!

         FIL- My daughter goes to Bank, so much responsibilities, comes home cooks, takes care of everyone, husband, kids, cleaning, preapring food etc…
Excuse ME Your DIL also goes to job, it is equally stressful, infact travels like a pig, prepares food, takes care of hubby and In laws too,… Your daughter doesn’t even have In laws to be taken care of, Has a helpful hubby who helps her in each n every thing… They are flexible enough to eating, sometimes even walk out to have dinner outside or order something home…. Will you allow all this here??? Then why Compare?????

Lessons Learnt-

  • Daughter-In-Law, no matter how adjusting she is, will remain a Daughter in Law but can never be a Daughter..So, Dont expect Much just perfrom yur duties and be happy
  • We cannot please everybody..Certain people have few things set in mind and no one can beat the already set Benchmark.... When compared dont loose your temper and mind too.
  • There is a saying which goes. "If you want to please everyone, you will please none" so why try to??

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